What if our current soul is actually made up of different past souls caught in our current body?
What if our current self is not just nurture, nor nature, but more?
Perhaps a little back story to these questions… I have been doing quite a bit of self / soul-searching lately – mainly to understand my Artist self better.
“Where is it all coming from?”
I find myself constantly asking myself. Like a tortured prisoner, constantly picking at the scratch wound to get deeper and deeper.
To understand the how, the why, and the WHERE is it all coming from?
Where did I pick up this ability to paint from? The last time I picked up a paintbrush was at school.
How did I know how to produce a Asian-inspired Watercolour painting as well as my Children Art and now what I call the ‘Adult Art’ that is emerging in me?
Which is the real me? Which is my soul?
“Is it talent? Or Could it be more?”
What is the explanation that people put down to this one word that I do not buy…this one word that explains it all…”Talent”. I do not believe in talent. I always believed that one can do anything as long as they set their minds to it.
At least that has always been the case for me.
My Piano teachers (yes, plural) used to utter the word “talent” at me. One told me that I had talent but I chose not to tap fully into it. I was lazy to practise. Guilty. Mainly because playing by sight actually came quite easily to me.
Feeling the piece came very naturally to me. I always saw a story to every musical piece.
My swimming coach saw potential in me and told my parents we (my brother and I) had “talent” and potential in competitive swimming. My parents said no. They didn’t want me to turn out looking masculine.
I remember very vaguely my art teacher staring at my pencil drawing of my Lion and mumbling (not quite exclaiming) that I had “a bit of a talent” and I should keep working on it. Dad ended the art classes pretty soon afterwards.
So…. is it talent? Or is it more?
I have been exploring – voraciously devouring various types of motivational, self-empowerment YouTube videos, exploring Simon Sinek’s concept of “Know Your Why” and the poor hubby, who has been predominantly the subject of my tortured self trying to understand my confused soul.
“Do not question, Just Accept.”
Do not question, just accept – one might say. But that is not me. The simple, curious child in me that constantly wants to explore and know is not willing to just accept. It wants to know…“WHY?” “How?”
So.. two huge revelations to-date:
First Revelation: “I am a Vessel”
I recently had a short exploratory call with a very special lady I got to know through Facebook, Tina Overbury, who does professional work on people’s core stories. Halfway into the call, she suggested that I am perhaps a vessel. A vessel of THE story. That I am an expressive.
But WHAT is THE story? WHO is the story? Who is the woman that is so curious and playful yet so mature and old?
Who is this creature that is so warm and kind and open and wild and sensual yet so practical and so stoic and cold at times?
How did I accumulate all these different sides? Is it nurture?
How could it be when I grew up with hardly any art around me? How could I be an expressive when I was always told to not speak up and in fact, discouraged, chastised and punished for speaking up?
Second Revelation: “My Past Life was a Free-Spirited Blonde Hippy who loved Dancing by the Fire.”
Ok, you are probably going “WHA…..T?”
Ok, confession: I tend to have very vivid dreams and wake up with images in my mind – maybe more so before than now. I’d often wake up remembering my dreams (after all, this was how I started painting again).
In that strain, I can close my eyes and choose to channel deep into my soul and visualise her. And that soul used to, for a very long time, come in the image of a wild horse that was galloping into the sunset. I would feel the wind in its mane, the power in its strong legs and the charge of the spirit.
Now, when I close my eyes, I feel and see the shadow of a woman dancing by the flames of a bonfire… somewhere in the nature,…against a sky full of stars and to the sound of soul-awakening, raw, native music.
So…my question to myself right now is – “What if my current self is actually made up of different souls from my past life that are waiting to be given a voice?”
Explanation…or a slow Revelation..?
That may explain how I have these different aspects to my art – ‘Art’ being a generic word for my general interest in all things expressive: painting, performing, singing, cooking, dancing…
So, here I am, at this point where I am trying to understand these new revelations and aspects of myself.
Being an artist forces one to confront the deepest, darkest things about one’s soul in order to create something that is truly wonderful. Some call this ‘inspiration’…but I suspect most artists know this as part of the “process”.
More to come… I promise.
Mishell is a self-taught artist who started her true creative journey when she lost her well-paid finance job in a bank whilst being two months pregnant. She started her artist career predominantly as a ‘children artist’ and continues to develop her journey in other mediums including her first love, watercolour, and now oil paint. She cannot wait to explore more and more mediums out there.
The artist in her is awoken..