02/10/2016 (Tuesday) – Life is About the Good and the Ugly
Yesterday, I wrote to you about our recent ‘episode’ on the topic of “Communication” and the difference between how Men and Women communicate. On reflection, it is more than just that.
Since I clicked “Publish”, I have had so many friends and readers who reached out to me (THANK YOU!) to tell me how they related to the post and how they appreciated someone finally speaking out about it for what it is, i.e. relationships (not just marriages) are difficult.
A couple kindly reached out to ask me to consider taking down the post for fear of it damaging my brand value in the long run and potentially my husband’s longer term career prospects. I can only say “Thank You for your kindness and love”.
I do not like making decisions or taking actions out of fear nor irrational anger. Additionally, if a corporate chooses to judge a person’s career and capability based on their personal life…well…… hmm…
Relationships are full of ups and downs. Just like life.
And it is how we choose to look at it, deal with it and get above it that matters.
Because of this article
Because of this article, I have had women telling me that they go through the exact same challenge with their spouses everyday – making us compatriots.
Because of this article, I have had women telling me how they had that problem with their partners and managed to get THROUGH it and make a breakthrough – giving me and hopefully others HOPE. Truly inspiring.
Because of this article, I had a three hour conversation with an old childhood (kindergarten!) male friend who is now a forensic psychologist (say what?!) – who recognised it for what it is.
“Not a call for attention, but something to share and have open conversations around – without judgement”.
Because of him, who personally went through the change from being a “typical non-commmunicado man” (his words) to someone who is now more open and reflective – I learned that behavioural change is possible. Personality traits are harder to change.
Talking to him has given both of us hope and a clear believe that anything and everything is possible, as long as you set your mind to it (with the help of the right tools).
In writing to you, my dear diary, and having had so many open and amazing conversations from different people, I have also realised a few things.
I have come to realise how much I value and treasure my relationship with my partner. How he has always been so open and receptive to a conversation about anything and everything, almost anytime.
In reflection, I have taken that for granted.
In reflection, I have forgotten why I married him. Because he was and is someone I can always talk to, talk with – about anything, and everything.
And that, I have now learned – is something very valuable.
In reflection, I am also very grateful for how we have openly identified our difficulties and differences up front. More importantly, we have put in place little steps and solutions in the path to address them. AND we are making progress…tiny weeny steps…but still progress.
The end destination may still seem far off, but we are making progress.
And that is what counts.
In reflection, our ‘molehill’ of a problem “could be a lot worse” – as my childhood friend pointed out to me. I argued and pointed out that communication is a fundamental pillar in any relationship, be it business or personal. Surely that’s serious.
His point was – at least we are talking about it. And that’s a good thing.
In reflection, I am grateful for the open, honest, constructive and positive communication that I have with my husband and in my life.
“A true man is one that can put aside his ego and listen openly and attentively.”
In reflection, he is that true man.
I have now learned that – in my impatience and quest for a quick-fix and solution, I have overlooked the good things. The gems, the little nuggets and sparkles that we already have i.e. our date nights, yoga sessions, meditation, dance classes, staycations…etc.
In reflection, I have now realised that life is full of mountains and molehills. And it is OK to fight. And have problems. As long as we are talking about it.
Find the Good, Recognise the Positive
Marriage is not a bed of roses. It is full of thorns – and we must learn to pick these thorns off one-by-one. Preferably with the help of friends – to make the process a lot more fun and effective.
Imagine if everyone started sharing their best methods of picking off these thorns…wouldn’t it be so much quicker and effective?
But it is also about finding and recognising the good and the positive. And not placing yourself first.
I believe in happy endings (although I love a sad movie).
Thank you for reading my post and reaching out to me.
I want you to know that our conversations have touched me and inspired us to do greater for ourselves.
I want you to know that I did not write this as a call for attention nor expect you to console me.
I mainly want us, as human beings, to know that – life is not all pretty. But it is talking about the ugly and helping each other see the good to the ugly and appreciating the ugly that matters.
For we can only appreciate what is pretty when we know what ugly is.
The author has been inspired to write to her Diary a lot more frequently because of the impact that it has had on the people who reached out to her.
“Dear Diary” is an open, honest communication that she has always maintained with her diary and is not meant for the queasy or weak-hearted. It is about real issues, celebrations and events that happen in a real person’s life. It is written with the intention to share and open conversations that have long been buried or swept under rugs.
No skeletons in my closet, thank you.